I don't know who needs to know this right now, but some of those things you are doing in your life are forms of self-abandonment. Ignoring your wants and needs.
Staying quiet when something unfair is happening to you or around you. Judging yourself.
Staying in bad relationships—not just romantic relationships, but friendships and relationships with family members who don't have your back. Looking to others for validation.
Using substances. Hanging on to other unhealthy behaviors.
There is an alternative to abandoning yourself. It's called choosing yourself.