My friend Holly Whitaker wrote something recently about going to visit, possibly for the last time, a person she had imagined herself to be in a relationship with. It was such a powerful admission—and one that struck a deep chord in me.
During a long period of love addiction in my early years, I concocted an imaginary relationship with a person who I now know had feelings for me but not a desire to be with me, despite my having given birth to his beautiful daughter. He might have wanted her, but he didn't want me.
Still, I imagined us as a family for the first two years of her life, although he was in our physical presence only once during that time. Letters and phone calls between us fed my fantasy in one moment, but that fantasy would come crashing down in the next.
When I gave up this imaginary relationship, I fell deep into my addiction for a while, got into another relationship that was very real and very bad, and had another beautiful baby girl. It was only in recovery that I finally found a person to love me in real life, as I was and as I am.
Imaginary relationships are painful, and I'm glad mine are behind me. When love is for real, you will know it.