I have long held as true that, for those of us in recovery from substance use or other addictions, one day the "must have that thing" switch flips, and we realize we no longer want the drink, the drug, the person, or the cigarette. There's plenty of work that goes into flipping that switch, but when it happens, it provides truly astounding relief.
If it hasn't happened for you yet, keep doing the work. One day your switch will flip.
And then one other day, perhaps many days later, you will realize that more than a few days have passed since you felt unworthy of the grace and the gifts that you are experiencing in your life. And you will think to yourself, "Wow.
When did life get so good?" On that same day, you will start to wonder what else the universe might have in mind for you. You will get curious, and maybe even slightly nervous, about thinking that things might get even better.
They will. You may not always find it easy to picture how good life in recovery can get, but keep trying.