Author, inspirational speaker, and teacher Cheryl Strayed once said, "Compassion isn't about solutions." It's not easy to remember that. Or, rather, I find it difficult to remember that.
When I'm listening to someone who is struggling or hurting, my first instinct is almost always to want to jump in with suggestions or answers to help ease or eradicate their pain. That's not compassion; that's not even active listening.
So I try to bite my tongue and practice what I learned, when I did my recovery coach training, about listening compassionately. I try to stay silent, to pay close attention to the words that I am hearing as well as to the person's facial expressions, body language, and voice intonation.
I listen for the silences between words. If invited to, I'm happy to pose questions that create a two-way dialogue, but again, I have to refrain from trying to fix what is going on for the person.
Sometimes I need to say out loud to them, "I'm here. I'm listening." And then let them keep talking.