In my teens and throughout my twenties, everything about my life was on a spectrum of extremes. I went from being emotionally neglected to anxious, from confused to abused, from numbed out to strung out, from traumatized to depressed and suicidal.
That I survived living a life of such extreme chaos and pain is slightly miraculous. I have no difficulty finding gratitude for my life today.
And what blows me away now is that I have no desire whatsoever to live on the extreme end of anything these days. I can handle a little bit of anxiety and confusion, but that's the extent of it.
I'm not comfortable numbing out (although I can still do it sometimes), and I have zero tolerance for abuse, whether self-inflicted or from outside of myself. I haven't thought about ending my life since I found recovery.
What I am drawn to most these days is living an ordinary life. Simple.