Genetically, I believe that I was as predisposed to obsessive thought patterns and behaviors as I was to red hair and freckles. They're how I escaped, whether I thought I needed to .
. .
or just wanted to. The French concept of an idée fixe resonates for me—a dominant idea or thought, a desire or feeling, an obsession.
Many of us in recovery can recall being obsessive as children. Some of us talk about escaping into food or video games.
My obsessions were more around fantasies or make-believe, which on the other side can be seen as creative outlets, but I used them mostly to escape my reality. I used to obsessively fantasize about being adopted into a different family.